Marion Daghan Malenky

Daghan-Malenky LLC

What happens when your partner becomes your religion?

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I would like to share here the experiences we have with our clients in relationships. There is a pattern that repeats over and over again not just with the people who are our clients, but also in many relationships of our present society. The reason there are so many unhappy and toxic relationships at present is that there is a deep misunderstanding of what love is, and a confusion about where love ends and the animal desire to possess someone begins. Or where love ends and total psychical/psychological dependency on one’s partner begins.

In the most cases, women are the creatures who want to surrender to the men as an expression of their love. They do this to express their deep feelings of connection, and they also expect that their partner will do the same. Unfortunately what they don’t realize is that through creating this strong bond with their partner, they also lose their personality and freedom. This is because they focus on their partner so much, that they start to see nothing but him. For example, a they are able to ‘read’ him immediately — what he wants, what he feels, and they respond by behaving in a way that mirrors him. If their partner is happy and feels good, they feel happy and good. If their partner is frustrated or sad, they suffer as well.

Our present culture encourages us (through repeating messages in almost every movie, book or song) to search for that one true love. To find your soul mate, your twin flame... and it sounds so good and romantic to find your other half... and people believe that in this way they can feel complete and gain freedom and safety. Unfortunately this is not true, but, when someone loses a person who they believe to be their other half, they suffer terribly and think that they cannot be happy again. This convinces them that the only way to regain their happiness is to win him/her back. In the moment we decide this a very subtle and dangerous exchange of meanings happens. We have made someone the most important thing in our lives and he or she has now literally become our religion. S/he is now like a God to us. And of course the loss of such a person makes us feel devastated. We feel empty and lost.

The truth is, this feeling of emptiness and loss appears because we cut ourselves off from our own divine self, our soul. We exchanged the connection we had with our eternal and immortal selves, with connection to a mortal concept, a human being, who is is a part of this material world, and nothing that is of the material world is permanent.

This is not just a problem that can occur in romantic relationships. You can on a subconscious level, replace the divine connection with your soul, with worshipping of your children, your career, your talents and abilities, the shape of your body, your beauty of health. If any of these become your religion, your God, you will be trapped. The pleasures you will gain from these aspects of your life you have identified with will be short, but one day, when you lose the ‘object’ of your devotion, your suffering will be great.

Our goal as human beings, being born into this reality is to solely to develop ourselves and become Divine Beings again! This cannot be achieved through the earthly gains of having the perfect partner, family, job, success, power, health or career. This can only be achieved through our connection with the divine part of ourselves that is within us, our soul. Only through this connection can we find lasting love, joy and happiness.